High School From HELL
by Daniel Ocean
Summary: At last, this story is COMPLETE. Will the monster conquer all or will Traize vanquish it to where it came from? r/r!
1. I Like The Cardinals

The alarm sounded right at six-forty-five.  
  
"Ugh. I don't wanna go!"  
  
"Shut up. I am still tired and your whine does not help, Maxwell."  
  
Duo Maxwell and Wufei Cheng, respectively, had to face many challenges in the intergalactic fight against OZ. But now they faced the toughest fight yet. Not even they thought that they could survive even a single day in the horror that was before them.  
  
It could be deadly or dangerous, and result in a lot of unwanted annoying people.  
  
They, the Gundam pilots, had to face high school.  
  
Duo, even with just five working brain cells, still made it into the bathroom. He tried to brush out his yard-long braid, but it refused to cooperate. As the brush wen through the brown mass Duo's scalp screamed for mercy. His purplish eyes squinted from the pain. "Hey, Wu-wu."  
  
"Do not call me that." In the mirror Duo saw Wufei's shorter, hyper- shiny black hair and felt immediate envy. The view from the bathroom mirror went straight to their bedroom and Wufei was sitting straight up.  
  
"When are we meeting the girls?" the Gundam's battle was one with allies-specifically, Hilde, Relena and Dorothy.  
  
"At 7:45, at the bus stop."  
  
Quatre Winner from the next bedroom over came into the bathroom, as well as the great Heero Yuy. Duo balked. "Dudes. It is crowded in here. I gotta brush my hair out."  
  
"Me, too." Quatre pushed himself to the mirror and ran his fingers through his platinum-blond bush. "Ah, I guess it looks okay."  
  
Heero pushed harder into Quatre's place. "Mine is now. Move over Duo."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I will kill you."  
  
"Good reason." Duo made his way out of there. "Where is Trowa? I would figure that he would be the first to be awake."  
  
A hard hiss came from the kitchen. "He was," explained Heero. "He slept in his clothes for today. He got up right with the alarm and started breakfast."  
  
"Kickass." Duo wobbled here. Trowa Barton was putting bacon onto the range, minding his own business. His clothes, even slept-in, were not wrinkled, and a comb-over he had over his face was still intact. "Jesus, Trowa." Duo saw the paper on the table that Trowa had also picked up and went for the sports section. "Do you even move in your sleep? It's almost like you were dead if you woke up like that."  
  
"Huh." Trowa was not a speaker. "Perhaps you should get dressed."  
  
"Whoa, don't give me a whole speech here, Trowa." He looked toward the baseball page, and noted, pleased that the Cardinals were in first place. "What have you cooking?"  
  
"Bacon. Then pancakes."  
  
"That's fine." The tiny type in the boxscores eluded Duo's still glazed eyes. He thought that he saw someone had hit a home run for the Cards, and that maybe there had been a big night for Pujols, but his eyes ached from having just four hours of sleep. He decided that the boxscore type was too small, and should have been at least as big as Shaq, especially upon a good night.  
  
He decided that the entertainment section would be nicer on his eyes. He reached for it-only to see that a dagger had been thrust into the space between his fingers where he laid his hand on it. "Garfield is _mine_, Maxwell," warned Wufei.  
  
It was seven-fifty, and the Gundam boys were outside. It was a cool, damp September morning, and all were wearing light jackets. The only notable ones were Duo's, which read "Cardinals" in front and "Gibson-45" in the back, and Quatre's, which had the message "Think globally, act locally."  
  
"Were the hell are they? The bus is coming." Duo moved around in his brightly colored jacket, making him seem like a traffic symbol. "These are public buses-it is not like they are going to pop up right at your door."  
  
"Maybe Relena went postal and killed Dorothy," said Quatre hopefully. "I still have that scar from her from inside of Libra."  
  
"Yes, if only the pacifist were to toughen up and fight for herself," said Wufei thoughtfully. "I think she could easily stand for herself, so why does Heero do it for her?"  
  
"Everyone always saves a seat for her," replied the 01 pilot.  
  
Duo turned to Quatre. "Are they using metaphors? I mean, I almost always _do_ save a seat for Relena."  
  
"I don't really know. You never can tell with Heero."  
  
".," added Trowa.  
  
"Very wise, Trowa," said Quatre.  
  
That very comment marked the moment that the bus approached from their left and the hectic Hilde, Dorothy, and Relena went toward them at their right. "This is ALL DOROTHY"S FAULT," said Hilde. "She has to have that waist-long hair. And do not even get me started about those weird-ass eyebrows. She has to get them sharp enough to kill someone."  
  
"Like you," suggested the sharp-eyebrowed blond.  
  
"Still-a half an hour in the bathroom? And you kept us all behind for breakfast too."  
  
"And they have some perfectly good food there at the school," added Relena. "You don't _have_ to pack a lunch. Just bring $1.50 and buy something. They have fast-food pizza. They don't have _just_ the Hamburgers from Hell that we are so accustomed to at Duo's place."  
  
"Hey!" said Duo. "Don't diss the burgers!"  
  
By then the bus had pulled up and the door had opened. The bus driver, wondering why he was wasting his golden years having to deal with situations like this, said, "Hey-are you all getting on or not? I have a schedule that I have to make, you know."  
  
"Yes, yes," said Relena. "We're sorry." She hopped on, swiping her bus pass, and were followed by Hilde, then Dorothy, ands then Duo, Heero and Wufei trying to get through the door all at the same time. As soon as they were able to make it in without killing each other, Trowa and Quatre bought up the rear.  
  
There were not too many empty seats, but all of them were near each other, so everyone of them were near the others and seated. Relena looked at her own seat tentatively. "I have never thought about it, but there aren't any seatbelts on a bus. What would happen should we crash?"  
  
Trowa took the seat next to her. "We would bounce around in the compartments until were stopped crashing or until we were dead."  
  
"Ah."  
  
Duo sat in the first seat became across, only to find Dorothy there. "Oh. It is you."  
  
"You don't sound too enthusiastic."  
  
"Trust me-I'm not." Duo looked at her. "On a completely different subject, why are you wearing the exact same jacket as me?"  
  
"I was going to ask you. I like baseball, okay? Is that a crime?"  
  
"Not at all.Bob."  
  
"You call me that again and you will _die_."  
  
"Bob."  
  
Dorothy took his braid and pulled. Duo screamed for mercy. Wufei cleverly added a catfight joke. During all of this, Trowa asked Relena, "Aren't you for peace? Shouldn't you stop this?"  
  
"But then it wouldn't be funny anymore." She looked at Trowa. "What?" 


	2. Amateur Theater

High School from HELL-Daniel Ocean  
  
WARNING: I don't own Gundam, but you knew that.  
  
"Relena?"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Would you know the answer to the question?"  
  
"Is it twelve?"  
  
"That would have been a good guess.for your algebra class." Everyone else in the second-period chemistry class tittered, making Relena wish that she had a seat farther back. But she had to be directly exposed to the teacher, Mr. Lockwood, and she had already been picked on three times. She had never liked gym, which was next period, but she was now counting down the minutes until it.  
  
"Miss Darlian, how are you ever going to pass the combustion test on Friday if you don't pay attention? You will fail at this rate. At I have seen your grades from the other high school you were at, and from them I could tell your parents would not be happy at an F."  
  
"Mother." Uh, ouch. Her father had died during the war.  
  
"Whatever. Now back to notes, and you should note that."  
  
As soon as Lockwood turned away, Relena's face soured and she looked down at her notebook, at her drawings of Heero, St. Peter and random other sketches. She shut her eyes. "Bastard." She sighed and decided to take her mind off what had happened by adding detail to Heero's head. She breathed in shakily and deeply, and went back to her drawing.  
  
"All right, who would like to play the part of Cassius? It is a big part and is one of the conspirators against Caesar." Mrs. Sami was looking through the English class for volunteers for reading out Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. For a moment, Heero hesitated, not wanting to talk a whole lot. Then again, Duo was Caesar, so taking the sea legs-and any other kind of leg-out from beneath him would be worth it. He rose his hand. "Sounds interesting."  
  
"Okay, so he will be going after Caesar when the time comes. You will probably have some lines today as he is a big character in Act One." Mrs. Sami went on to give out more parts, all of the other ones that would be necessary for the day's reading.  
  
Duo looked back at Heero, appearing hurt. "Hey! I don't want to die!"  
  
Sami replied, "Well then you should not have picked Caesar because he dies pretty quickly in the play. It's like he's there, then he gets all stabbed up." Duo then looked even more hurt, and added some puppy-eyes and turned to the girl sitting next to him. "Do you see what she does to me?" he tried to say, but it came out as a sort of whine.  
  
She was not impressed.  
  
"Okay," said the teacher. "We have to see Flavius and Marcellus up here, and some commoners too-a carpenter, and a cobbler and a few others. We need some people to do that too."  
  
As the teacher said this and picked out the minor characters, Duo looked back at Heero. He was already examining the text, looking for what he had to say and when. "Yeah, ignore me," Duo said, not giving himself a reason why he should be so popular. He turned his eyes up, waiting for the cheap amateur theater to open up in front of him.  
  
Wufei as acting as he usually did, as if he had a live scorpion in his pants, and the teacher in the Global studies class was not amused. It has not a display that could be an ad for recruiting new teachers. Wufei, in fact, was rapidly getting so out of line that it could have been an ad for birth control.  
  
If you sleep around, the affect may not be felt today.but maybe sixteen years from now.  
  
Mr. Golding had begun to get a facial tic. "All right, Wufei, please sit down. This discussion is not relevant today. Maybe some other time. You are disrupting the whole class."  
  
He has standing with both hands on his desk, leaning over hard. "This is an insult! I demand to see a guidance counselor right now." He was not very approving of guidance counselors-"only the kids who want something to whine to go to them"-but he was quickly finding the good in them. He was thinking of it as a career choice at this point.  
  
The specific location of the point was the Exploration Age, in the European part of World History. Wufei did not appreciate how the "invaders", as he called the settlers, being glorified as they put colonies and their own cities in China.  
  
"I will not tolerate weakling onna invaders being celebrated in front of me!"  
  
"Listen. If you do not shut up and get back into your seat, I will see to it that you are escorted out to the office. We can have a debate about it if you feel so strongly about it, but only if you sit back down."  
  
"Never!"  
  
Golding saw a hall monitor walk right by the door. "Excuse me, I need to get a problem student out of here and in the office. I will send him off with a yellow card." That specifically would get Wufei sent off to in- school suspension, though only a couple of days, since he was a first time offender.  
  
The hall monitor came on in, saying, "C'mon, let's go."  
  
"I am not going anywhere." Wufei did sit, but only to fold his arms across his chest and look defiant. I would like to see you remove me."  
  
"No, you don't"  
  
"I do."  
  
"All right." The rather diminutive Chinese had the hall monitor walk up to him and pick him up by the armpits.  
  
"What are you doing? You shall pay!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah." He took Wufei over to the teacher's desk, where Golding had a yellow card in the waiting. The hall monitor took the card-really a yellow slip of paper-in his teeth, and that is how he proceeded to the main office, with Wufei screaming and yelling dangling from his arms and with the yellow card in the incisors. 


	3. You Knew She'd Snap One Day

High School From HELL-Daniel Ocean  
  
Copyright by not me blah blah blah whatever et cetera et cetera and so on.  
  
Relena had her head on her Latin book, wondering why she had decided, back in seventh grade, to take such a boring language. She had always wanted to learn the secret to the grandeur and glory of the Romans, but she didn't think that it came from learning how to conjugate "to fall down". She was bored to tears, almost wanting to go back to chemistry.  
  
She looked up at the classroom clock, watching the seconds tick down to the end of fourth period and lunch. There were not quite three minutes left, each of which lasted longer than it took to build the Hoover Dam. "C'mon," she said to herself. "Ninety-seven.ninety-six.ninety-five.."  
  
The Latin teacher glided over back to her desk after filling the black board with foreign words that Relena only slightly detected as one she might have to know. She didn't really care, it wasn't as if she would pass any test in the immediate future for the class. She had spilled Hawaiian Punch on her Latin notebook the night before, and all of the pages were now welded together. "Homework," the teacher said.  
  
"Great," said Relena. "On the first day of school." Her head was now thoroughly aching.  
  
The teacher timed her giving the homework perfectly, finishing explaining the assignment to everyone not as comatose as Relena as the bell rang. Relena melted out of her seat and slowly slithered over to the cafeteria. Quatre was already there and looked reasonably well. "Hey Relena. How's been your day? Got good teachers? I know you do. So I haven't seen-"  
  
He had not yet begun to cross the threshold to talkative, but Relena shot a Heero glare. "I do not believe in any sort of fighting, you know that, right?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"So shut up before I unleash Heero upon you." With nothing else she got into the line, trying to convince herself to wait that long and not do the dirty work herself.  
  
Quatre got into line right behind her. He took two trays for them and said, "So I guess that this wasn't really a good day for you, huh?"  
  
Relena shot and upgraded version of the Heero glare, the kind that said, Gee, Quatre, you think? I would like to see you ask that again and even be able to try to survive. She wondered if she still had diplomatic immunity, and if that would cover murder.  
  
They made their way up the line, grabbed a milk, a cup of fruit and a slice of pizza, and made their way to the benches outside. Relena gave two dollars to the cashier for the $1.50 lunch and didn't bother to get her change. "Young lady?" called the cashier. "Come back. You forgot your.oh, never mind."  
  
"I'll get it to her," said Quatre.  
  
"I'll bet you will. One fifty."  
  
The fourth Gundam pilot sighed and gave the appropriate amount. Then he made his way to Relena, who was biting into the slice and wincing. "God! They put so much grease into it. It tastes like an oil slick."  
  
Quatre did not ask how she would know and just said, "You okay? Has the first day of school upset you that much?"  
  
"Yes it has. Thank you for asking. It'll be the last thing you'll ever ask, unfortunately." She took a fountain pen from her backpack. "Come here, Q."  
  
Uh-oh. "Uh, no thank you. I am fine right here. It's okay." He was trying to keep his distance.  
  
"Come here right now before I have to go over to you." Her voice went from normal to Darth Vader-like to incredibly high. Quatre took up his tray and started to walk gingerly backward. He thought that running straight out would send her on a nutty rampage after him. "All right, that was your last warning." She decided to put away her pen and looked like she was going to beat the crap out of him.  
  
"Oh, great Jesus." He turned and ran the opposite direction as fast as he could. Relena chased for a few steps, and then cackled to herself and sat back down. Looking back at her lunch, though, she sighed. "So let's recap- the pizza is crap, and the peaches are undoubtedly worse. So that leaves me a liquid lunch." She opened her milk and drank deeply, grateful at the fact that they had chocolate.  
  
"Whoa, you'll have to come up for air eventually there, Princess." Duo came with his lunch and a grin that made Relena pine for punching his head off. "Jeez, and you haven't even touched your peaches yet?" He helped himself to them. "Aww, is the stormy weather keeping you down?"  
  
"I want you to listen carefully, Maxwell," she said. "Shut.the hell.up.before I kill you." She ready to give chase again, and not to give up after just a couple of steps. "Capisce?"  
  
"Hey, calm down there, Relena, I was just trying to play around with you a little bit. No need to get offended." His goofy grin went away to be replaced by an irritated look. "I doubt it would make you feel better but I will be dead in a couple of days, thanks to Heero."  
  
"Barely."  
  
"Better than nothing." Duo took good bite of pizza, and washed it down with the water from the peach container. He figured he would save his milk for last, and that water was just as good for getting food down his throat. "Where is everyone else, anyway? It isn't too bad out." It had warmed up, but it was quite cloudy.  
  
"Quatre is fleeing for his life, Heero, Hilde and Dorothy have second lunch shift and I saw Wufei in the office. Dunno where Trowa is." She put her milk on the bench.  
  
"Oh." Duo swung his feet to put the up on the bench, next to Relena, and succeeded to do nothing but knock her milk over.  
  
They both looked at the spreading brown liquid, and then at each other. Relena looked close to tears at first, then picked up her pen again. "DIEDIEDIEDIEDIE!"  
  
"Aieeee!" 


	4. The Plot is *Almost* Moving

High School From HELL-Daniel Ocean  
  
All typical warnings and other stuff like that apply. Hey, now that Relena's gone nuts, its almost as if the plot is moving!  
  
Wufei shifted in his seat uneasily. No matter how much he had felt good in defying the puppet of the invaders of his homeland, he was beginning to feel like one uneasy dude. Mostly because his bladder was full. Holding it was one bad thing that pride brought someone.  
  
He looked to the door as another mini-criminal moved their way to the tiny room he was in, the principal's office. "Come this way please, young lady."  
  
"Yes." The voice was far too familiar to Wufei. He called out tentatively, "Uh.Relena.that wouldn't be you, would it?"  
  
"Yeah, it is." Her face has red, but it looked a tad more irritated than upset.  
  
"Crazy onna. Just the moment that I was going to call you in as my attorney.seeing as you are so much against fighting.and you do your crazy sweet Jesus monkey business behind my back and get yourself in the office." He freed up a seat for her by taking his backpack off of a chair. "Did you beat up your object of your stalking?"  
  
"No, it was Duo."  
  
"Ha! Could just see it now."  
  
She just nodded. He was winning when she caught him, up until the moment she started to pull his hair. It was not a pleasant experience for him, shown by his high-pitched screaming. If no one noticed the fight before, then they sure did afterward. "I don't want to talk about it right now, okay, Wufei?"  
  
"Whatever, Darlian. I just wish it was me that got the first shot at him."  
  
The principal at this moment came on in and seated himself. "I think I'll wait to deal with you, Ms. Darlian. Now Wufei, I am going to have to arrange-wait a second." Someone ushered him out of the door and back into the main office. After a five-minute long wait, Wufei and Relena turned to the door to see Duo on his way into the office.  
  
".the hell." Wufei said.  
  
"I broke the teacher's desk in fifth period," he said. "I didn't know that it would be so very flimsy."  
  
"I see." Relena looked at the braided boy. "I still wait to stuff all of your hair down your throat."  
  
"I guess I should sit next to Wu-man."  
  
"Don't call me that, onna."  
  
"I won't if you didn't call me onna, Wu-man!"  
  
"Onna!"  
  
"Wu-man!"  
  
"Onna!"  
  
"Onna Wu-man!"  
  
"Why, I ought to-"  
  
Relena's pacifist side kicked in. She got between the two. "Stop it! Fighting won't solve any problems! Besides, this has got to be the worst place in the whole damn town to do it in that's not a police station!"  
  
"Maybe you could practice what you preach, onna," replied Wufei coldly.  
  
"I will not take any swings at you just to show you that what happened today is an utter freak. If it wasn't for Lockwood or Latin or Duo it would have never happened. Get it?" Relena was really getting into his face now.  
  
They were interrupted by the principal coming in. "You two better stop it or else I will make sure that the two of you go straight to the Sunshine School." The aforementioned school was where all of the really awful kids went, where you could expect to see at least ten guttings a day. Relena paled.  
  
The principal looked like he was about to go on, but he brought with him another kid to be put under his immediate supervision. Heero Yuy came in without a struggle.  
  
"Heero?" said Relena, seeing her boyfriend walk in with the principal, who had a face of growing irritation. "Now what did you do to get here?"  
  
"Uh, I went after Duo."  
  
"It wasn't me," said Duo, from his location.  
  
"Yeah.I know that now." Silence. "Hey, there was one other girl here with his hair and almost the exact same clothes, okay? You would have made the mistake too, I'll bet."  
  
"So you mistook a girl for Maxwell," said Wufei, who seemed to be slipping into deep thought. "So it would just prove that he is an onna."  
  
"I am not an onna. I'll like to see an onna do this." Duo took a hearty swing at Wufei, not a smart idea with the principal being there. He tried to get between the two, but by then the whole room as in an uproar. He sighed and thought, Only twenty-two more learns until retirement.  
  
The parade in lasted all afternoon.  
  
Just after sixth period began, Quatre came on in, a very embarrassed look on his face. "Well. I certainly didn't know those couldn't be in school."  
  
"What those?" asked Duo.  
  
"Fountain pens."  
  
"I knew Relena was cheating when she chased me with one! Oooh, Relena, you're in even bigger trouble now."  
  
"Shut up, Maxwell. I have a headache even without your ranting.  
  
Halfway into sixth period:  
  
"Trowa! What are you doing here?"  
  
"Could ask the same of you, Quatre."  
  
"Did you beat someone up, Trowa? Or punched the teacher's desk and all of his stuff fell out?" Duo was getting a little hyper from his stash of Pixie Stix.  
  
"The teacher sent me because I reused to answer a question."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I did."  
  
Silence fell over the room as this soaked on in. "This could only happen to you," said Relena. "It really could only happen to you."  
  
As seventh period dragged on:  
  
"Hilde! What the hell?"  
  
"Hi Heero.uh, I can honestly say that this whole thing is Dorothy's fault. If she hadn't called me a Nazi, she wouldn't have had to pay the price."  
  
"What was the price?"  
  
"You have gotta know her eyebrows."  
  
"Of course we do. All of us. So what-she has big eyebrows." Duo had reached the stage of being really dense from the sugar.  
  
"I hope you didn't like them or anything."  
  
What had dawned on all of the others finally dawned on Duo. "Oh."  
  
"But don't worry if you did. There's still one left." 


	5. Poor Dorothy

High School From HELL  
  
Daniel Ocean  
  
All standard warnings  
  
The principal looked at then group of seven teens warily. "You are telling me that all of you are friends with each other? No wonder you are all in here at once. It spreads through everyone."  
  
"Not all of us are bad," said Heero. "Relena's a fine individual."  
  
"All I know is that she chased after Braid Boy over here and tried to attack him with a weapon. She is probably facing Safe School charges and may be suspended for a very long time."  
  
"Never knew that a fountain pen was a 'weapon'," she flatly replied.  
  
"Trust me, they are. Now if all of you will excuse me, I have one more thing to do for the day, and then all of your parents, one by one, will be called. Your parents will be the first to hear about it, you can rest assured, young lady."  
  
He left, leaving them all with their own thoughts. Relena leaned over in her seat to put her head on Heero's. "My God, I am so screwed." She sniffed and looked like she was next to tears. "What will my mother say? What'll people think? I can't be sent to the Sunshine School! I won't live one day! I'll-"  
  
"Calm down," he said gently. "This happens to all of us. Duo was really out of line anyway."  
  
"Hey!" He looked indignant and tried to whip Heero with his hair, but it was too clumsy. "If only we were anywhere else."  
  
"We ain't," said Hilde. "We have all got to face the music. There's no way around it-why, hello, Dorothy. I must get the number of the guy that does your 'brows."  
  
Dorothy came in sulking, with one of her oversized, dirty-dirty blond eyebrows still intact, and the area where the other one once was covered by a bandage. "Oh, go suck on Duo." She made it to one of the last remaining standing spots in the room. It was getting more crowded than a Tokyo subway.  
  
"I didn't hear that, did I, Dorothy?"  
  
"You better believe that you did." Dorothy crossed her arms. "Now, what are you going to do about it, huh?"  
  
"I hope you aren't to attached to that other eyebrow of yours, Caledonia." Hilde started to cross the room to where the blond was standing, but Trowa got in the way. "No time to fight now," he said simply.  
  
"Really," said Wufei. "Don't want him to walk into a catfight, that'll make all of us look bad." That ended the discussion for a minute, until Wufei wrinkled his eyebrows and got up. "Huh. If the main office is right next door to here, then why is it that it is so quiet?"  
  
"Soundproof door?" Quatre went up to the smoked glass door, to the office. "Can't see a thing. I'll crack the door open, and say that we needed some air."  
  
He did, and peered outside. "There's no one there."  
  
"What do you mean, there's no one there?" Heero went over to the door and looked out, then said, "Unusual. There is no one there, but none of the computers out there have their screensaver out."  
  
"Did all of them just leave?" asked Duo. "Maybe this is a test. Maybe they are hiding to see if we leave here without suspensions being dispensed."  
  
"Duo, you're paranoid." Quatre kept one eye looking out of the door. "Whoa, okay, that was a lit-tle freaky."  
  
"Now what happened?" Dorothy sighed and came on over to him, and pushed the door further open. "What is it? I don't see a thing."  
  
"All of the screensavers went on at the same time."  
  
"So?"  
  
"It wasn't one, then the other, then the other. All of them went on at once. I saw three go up in the exact same moment." He turned. "The _exact_ same moment."  
  
"Fine, I will go to investigate to quell girlie-man's fears." Wufei went into the regular office and around a corner out into the hallway. He stayed out for a few minutes, and came back with a quizzical look on his face. "There's no one anywhere. I went all the way to the music rooms in the other building and I didn't see a soul."  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Is there anybody out here left?"  
  
"Honk if you're horny."  
  
Everyone turned to face Duo. "Come on, you guys. Think of all the guys that would have honked if there was anyone listening."  
  
"Okay," said Hilde. "I think that we have affirmed that the school is completely empty. We can just think were are saved and go home, or we could look around for anything that might have driven everyone off."  
  
"Yeah," said Dorothy. "Maybe there are a thousand bodies all piled up in the auditorium and the killers are looking for us now."  
  
"Right." Hilde looked around one more corner, and said, "Definitely empty. We could explore around better if we split into pairs-so if anything threatening is in here, then we can save each other."  
  
"I was kidding."  
  
"Now I figure that me and Duo could go together, and Relena and Heero, and Trowa and Quatre.and I guess that Dorothy and Wufei would be the last group."  
  
"No, seriously, Hilde, I was just fooling around." Dorothy's voice took a note of alarm. "Don't leave me with Crazy Chinese Boy here."  
  
"I guess we will meet up at the main entrance in.an hour? So back in the front at around 4:15." Hilde went off in one direction. "Come with me Duo, we can go this way."  
  
"All right, babe." He faithfully went off at her heels. Relena with Heero went up a flight of stairs, and the Quatre/Trowa group wet in the direction opposite that of Hilde and Duo.  
  
Wufei and Dorothy were alone, standing well away from each other and looking at us suspiciously. "I sure as hell didn't ask to be with you, Wu- Wu."  
  
"Same goes here, Eyebrow Girl."  
  
"You didn't call me that." She approached him, and he her. "you will hope that you never caught sight of my beautiful eyebrows!  
  
  
  
Will Dorothy and Wufei beat each other up? Will the Gundam kids find anything.out of this world? What _is_ up with Dorothy's eyebrows, anyway? Stay tuned to find out! 


	6. Gotta Love the Green Goo

High School From HELL  
  
Daniel Ocean  
  
All standard © warnings apply.  
  
"Well." Relena and Heero were making it up to the upper floors of their high school, moments after everything alive vaporized into the air. "Wonder if it's just a high school or if the whole damn world is like this."  
  
"I dunno." Neither of them really wanted to think about that at that point. "After we look around here we should call 911 or something.'  
  
"That is no problem." Relena dug into her pockets and pulled out a tiny black cell phone. After unfolding it and raising the antenna, she put the emergency number into it. After listening to it for a few seconds, she shivered and put it away. "The cell is dead. This is way too creepy for me." She moved in a bit closer to Heero. "Where are we going?"  
  
"Second floor, south side, I think. My homeroom's there and I have to pick up some books from there anyway."  
  
"I think that we have a lot more problems than that for now, babe."  
  
Heero looked at her. "Did you just call me 'babe'? I think that you have sent a little too much time with Maxwell, now."  
  
"Whatever. We are here. Want to look in the global rooms first?"  
  
"It's the shortest walk." Ahead laid the Global History rooms for all of the underclassmen. "I wonder which of these Wufei was in." After some silence, "I'm just making some small talk. Ignore all of my ranting, why don't you."  
  
"Okay." Relena went into room 200, the first in the hall, followed by Heero. "She's empty." She looked off to the side, and something caught her eye. "Something is not right about that filing cabinet."  
  
"Looks fine to me."  
  
"There is something that is very evil about it." She tentatively touched the handle. Heero reluctantly stood behind her, in case her imagination leaped from it and attacked her. "Here we go."  
  
Inside were the typical papers and folders, drenched in red thick fluid. It lazily dripped over worksheets and textbooks. The smell of hot blood made them both double over. "I think I'm going to be sick," croaked Relena.  
  
"Latina est viva," read Hilde. "I guess that this would be the Latin room." Signs in Latin hung all over the walls, and pictures and drawings of Ancient Rome bordered the blackboard. Hilde lifted a book from a seat in the front and looked at the inside cover. "Relena Darlian. Probably hasn't missed it." She looked across the room to Duo. "No one. Absolutely creepy."  
  
"Duo was trying the phone on the wall. "This is dead. Someone has either killed everyone off or the principal is trying to freak us out."  
  
"Why would he do that, if he could just suspend the whole lot of us?"  
  
"This is a lot more entertaining." Duo gingerly stepped over massive piles of books. "Look at it this way. If you are a high school principal and abut seven, eight students are all coming on in at the same time and they all know each other, then what would you do?"  
  
"Get a life, since I most obviously don't have one if I'm cursed with being a high-school principal."  
  
"What would you do with the students?"  
  
"I would love to play around with them. Duh. But really-is that all that could be happening? Where did everyone else go? There should be a bunch of students for after-school stuff."  
  
"Yeah." He stepped once more, then his foot got caught on a pile and gravity claimed Duo with several textbooks. "Urgh." He rubbed his nose, raw from a meeting with a desk. "Uh, ouch. I think that I got a boo-boo." He looked a Hilde. "What are you ogling at?"  
  
"Look at the ground behind you."  
  
A thick puddle of green slime was right where Duo slipped, with a footprint on the side for decoration. Hilde scooped a little bit up with a paper towel. "Okay, this is getting weird."  
  
"Freakkkkkkkky."  
  
A dying girl limped out of a Global History room, her white and denim wardrobe covered in blood that was still slowly oozing out of her veins. She stumbled on a lump in the caret, lurched, and vomited. She staggered on a few feet more, then fell. "Why, Heero, why?" she sobbed. "Can no one help me now?" She tried to get back onto hands and knees, then fell back onto her side. She laid there, moaning, for a half a minute, then flopped over and stopped breathing.  
  
Trowa did not normally showed any sort of emotion. It had really become his persona. But no matter how much he could tell himself that meeting a serial killer was really quite low, it didn't help his shivering. "Itwasnothingitwasnothingitwasnothingitwasnothing." he mumbled, as he hugged himself under a table in the orchestra room. "I did not see a man with a bloody knife almost stab me."  
  
He could hear whimpers emanate from the other side of the room. He knew that it cold hold any of two people-Quatre, or the maybe-killer. "Help," it moaned. "Let me out of here." It was buried in to collapsed tables and some music stands.  
  
"I'm coming," Trowa assured the voice, as he got up searched the teacher's desk for what he needed. After a minute, he found it-a letter opener. "Not much against a serial killer, but better than nothing." He slowly walked to the door. "I'm here. I'll get you out in a second."  
  
"Trowa, I'm as scared as hell. Get me-aieeeee!" Quatre huddled in a corner as Trowa held the letter opener high above their heads. He had moved a stand and was ready to attack.  
  
"Oh-it's just you." Trowa relaxed. "Thought you were a killer."  
  
"You are the one with the weapon, and you say _I'm_ the murderer?" 


	7. Maybe a Little Too Friendly For the Situ...

High School from HELL  
  
Daniel Ocean  
  
All standard warnings apply concerning ©.  
  
The killer slipped between two rows of lockers, just big enough to fit him. There he slid off his mask and scratched his nose for a moment. "Ah. Much better." He looked up and down the hall for a second, without the mask, then heard a bit of activity to his left. "Oops." He ducked back into the gap and put his mask back on. He then slowly, and tentatively, looked back to where the two youths were standing in the hallway.  
  
They stood over a dead body, fresh with the smell of hot blood, vomit, and death. The boy held the body's wrist, and listened for some breathing. He shook his head and said something to the girl.  
  
She was standing there, looking a little sick. Her voice didn't hold the words between she and the killer, but he could hear the pitch-high, frightened. Then it went down a little as the shock of the death went away. "Hmm. I will have to look into going after them next. This ought to give them both a very good shake-up."  
  
He thought for a second. "Where did that body come from, anyway? I didn't get to him."  
  
  
  
"This is the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my entire _life_. This is getting worse and worse and-" As Relena went on the storm that had threatened since lunch broke. A well-aimed bolt of lightning blew out a utility pole across the street from the school and caused it to plunge into the dark. "And worse." She looked at the body, and give it a very gentle kick. She looked at the face, exactly like her own, and the clothes-her very outfit. She shivered and looked at Heero. "Why do you have to be so much like you? Can't you be the tiniest bit scared?"  
  
"No." But the way he said it was a little bit shaky, she could tell he was lying. "This is not amusing," he offered. "If this is Duo's idea then he will be thoroughly beaten. But this seems to be a genuine enough dead body. I'm glad it was not really you."  
  
"That's all? You're just glad it wasn't me?"  
  
"I am _quite_ glad it is not you."  
  
"Is that all? You don't say that you wouldn't be able to live without me, no you're more important than life itself? You just like me around?"  
  
"Err."  
  
"You know Heero, you do not have to be so stoic all of the time. You could show some emotion and maybe I and everyone else will treat you a little better and hold you in a higher regard."  
  
He blushed. He was able to conquer an entire society of militants and soldiers and he was being cornered by his girlfriend. "Sorry."  
  
"By hell you better be. Someday, I could wind up like her-" she motioned to the body, and did a weird little dance-"and it would be all your fault."  
  
"If you are going to get yourself killed intentionally, then I think that I am concerned. I think that I want out of this relationship right now. I mean, you are kidding, right?"  
  
She looked at him. "You need to learn how to take a joke. Seriously."  
  
"This.this.this really.well, you know about all of this.I mean.it is starting to get a little hairy inside of here.you know.." Heero motioned to the body. "We can talk about this later. We have to find who is doing all of this first, I think. I don't want to die in here, of all places."  
  
"Really. Where is a worse place to die than a high-school?"  
  
"Changing a lightbulb. I think there are too many lightbulb jokes as there are without the Gundams. I think if I die in the house I want it to be with something other than lightbulbs."  
  
  
  
"Where did all of this slime come from?" Hilde took a Latin book and gingerly scooped up a sample of the goo. "Either some sort of monster is running around the school, ready to kill everyone, or there are a little kids running around playing with green yucky stuff."  
  
"I dunno." Duo rubbed his leg carefully and grimaced. "Uh, ouch. I think that if we leave here, I'm going to need a little bit of help."  
  
"We should look around and look for whatever is causing this. We just can't let a monster go around and eat or slime people, unless that person is Dorothy." Hilde got next to duo and pulled him up on his good leg. "You will have to get a chair too, as a crutch. It'll make my job a little easier."  
  
"Sure thing." He did what she said and leaned on her as they made it out of the room. "I think it'll be a good idea if we go to see how Doro- chan and Wu-Wu are doing. Or at least check that they aren't going after each other."  
  
"You know what?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"I wouldn't mind if the monster ate Wufei too."  
  
"We better check them anyway."  
  
  
  
The killer stopped watching Relena and Heero. "Naïve children. They are being cursed by a devil and they bicker about whether or not they are or aren't funny. Ridiculous." He took off his mask and scratched his nose- a nervous habit. "I got to stop doing that." He put his mask back on and took up his dagger. "I guess that I will have to make it a little more bloody in here. Too bad, really. Oh, well." He watched as they returned to the room they were in before, and perused them silently.  
  
  
  
"Here we are." Duo peered in through the door and looked at the scene in the window. Trowa was standing over Quatre with his letter opener. "Wrong address, I think. Let's try the other music room."  
  
They walked-Duo hobbled-on in. No one was there, but a faint squeaking noise could be heard. Hilde looked at Duo and Duo at Hilde. "I think it's in.the closet," she said.  
  
"Okay. You are the healthy one. You go look."  
  
"Give me the fountain pen, won't you?"  
  
"Hey! How did you know that I was able to swipe it off of Quatre?"  
  
"I need _some_ defense in this story. Never mind Daniel forgot to mention it when we were all together."  
  
"Fine, here." She took up the pen and approached the closet door. She stalked up to the final ten feet, then stood back upright. "Wait a second." She simply walked over and opened up the door.  
  
Wufei and Dorothy both shrieked. Wufei quickly pulled his pants back up and tumbled back out. "Uh.uh.uh.there is a perfectly good explanation for this."  
  
"Teenage hormones?"  
  
"Yes.NO! No no no no no."  
  
  
  
This is the last of the chapters that I had written before I took it down for some changes. Fortunately, I have Chapter Eight already typed up (expect it on Sunday) and I will have additional chapters on Tuesday and the final one on Thursday.  
  
Thank you for all the reviews, especially FluteSan for checking quite often. Thanks also go to starflame, SakuraMona (both of you), jericho-314, "some person", and Elfy the Fearful. 


	8. We're Almost to a Thrilling Conculsion

High School from HELL  
  
Daniel Ocean  
  
Don't forget that all © warning are in effect. Because they are.  
  
"Wow," said Hilde. "Two really is company. Better company than other kinds, it seems."  
  
"You better shut up about this, Hilde." Dorothy got up from the place she had been lying. "I will get you the way I wanted to in seventh period."  
  
"And you'll just lose another eyebrow."  
  
"Okay. Now you will just simply GET IT!!!"  
  
"Whoa, look out there." Duo tried to prevent a fight by getting in between them, but put too much weight on his bad foot and crumpled. On his back, he said, "He probably should not fight while this is homicidal maniac and maybe some horrible toxic and _slimy_ creature in here. He gotta get some of that slime and test it-we can do that in the computer lab-and find everyone."  
  
Everyone was silent. "Maxwell," said Wufei at last. "You're actually being sensible for once. Wow. This is a first for you here."  
  
"Can we go, too?"  
  
Quatre peeked out tentatively at the group. Trowa crawled out of his hiding place and simply stood with the others. "It's good to be with others at a time like this."  
  
"It would be fine to have Trowa here," said Dorothy. She looked down at Quatre. "You need to have some dignity, man. Fine, you can come as well. All right, I guess that is everyone with us other than Suicide Boy and the Blonde Bumbler, so I guess we're fine." She swallowed. "Okay, off to the computer lab."  
  
Nobody moved. "All right, up to the second floor we shall go." Dorothy went on. "Up the stairs and across dark halls to a room that is always dimly lit and full of plenty of large objects to duck behind. So, is anyone nervous?"  
  
Instead of replying, everyone grouped a little closer together, and began to walk back up. And then they tripped as a group.  
  
"Wow, we're going to do everything as a group," said Trowa.  
  
"Just get off of everyone, everyone, and let's just go. He can't get all of us!"  
  
"Unless he has gallons of that toxic goo," said Duo. "Then he could just get all of us at once."  
  
"Shut the hell up, Maxwell."  
  
In the Global studies room Relena and Heero were stuck together in a corner, with a yardstick in each of their hands, with the turbo-charged thinking of two people trying to fight off death. "Heero," said Relena, "just in case we die here, I want to say something to you before we are gone."  
  
"For Christ's sake, don't say anything like that." It was the last thing he would admit, but the Perfect Soldier was starting to feel something completely new to him.  
  
Fear.  
  
"Listen, Heero." Relena breathed in deeply. "I love you sooooo much, and I never meant to stalk you off the face of the Earth and then across much of space before I was done."  
  
"It's okay, Relena. I got really used to it after a while. I was almost looking forward to you running in at the wrong time and the plan we had collapse and for us to fall ass-back into a lucky win because OZ never expected you."  
  
"That means a lot."  
  
"Well, there you go."  
  
The door creaked open, then it appeared to close again. Heero peaked out a little bit, then withdrew. "I got to go fight off a serial killer. Stay here until I have the opportunity to fall ass-back into another victory as soon as you pop up, okay?"  
  
"You got it."  
  
Heero got up, and armed with only his yardstick, went off across the room. He realized how easily it was to hide in a classroom, as anyone could just crouch down and be completely be covered by desks blocking the view.  
  
"Who is there?" he asked with his steely voice.  
  
No answer, except for Relena saying, "Yeah, it's me, Heero, the stalker. Come over here with your yardstick so I can lop your head off."  
  
"Don't come out until.you know." Heero turned back to where he thought the killer was and started to walk closer, until a tiny bit of him could be visible. He appeared to be wearing dark robes. "I'm warning you." Heero came in closer.  
  
The killer got up and looked at him straight in the eye.  
  
Relena gasped and got up. "Fall back into that win, Heero!" she screamed, waving her arms. "Fall ass-back into the win!"  
  
"Give me some wire, please," said Trowa.  
  
The others had made it up to the computer labs without any fatalities or deportations, a major achievement in itself. They had made it onto Majortoxicchemicals.com, and were trying to get an idea of what the mystery slime was, from the small amount that was on Duo's shoe.  
  
"What do you need it for?" Hilde had gotten some from the supply closet next to the lab.  
  
Trowa got under the large table where a dozen Macs sat, and stuck one end of the double wire in the emergency outlet, where the Mac Trowa was on was plugged in. He got back up and stuck the other end into the goo on the shoe. "Don't worry, Duo, this is the last test. You'll get your sneaker back out after this. It's just an electricity test."  
  
As soon as the wire was stuck in, the goo glowed a brilliant green color, bright enough to made leaves pale in comparison. Everyone ooohed and aaahed, until the shoe began to overheat and melt. The rubber on the bottom began to give off fumes.  
  
"Okay, I'll call that 'fluorescent.'" Trowa typed in the last of the information into the computer, and after a couple of minutes, their results were in. The master printer automatically turned itself on via emergency power and asked if Trowa wanted the results printed.  
  
"I love the future," he said, as he clicked yes. The printed hummed and spat out two freshly printed pages out. Dorothy looked at them and rose her last remaining eyebrow.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Wow is this thing toxic.arsenic with some ammonia and chloride mixed in for good measure. More nasty chemicals then in a public service commercial.  
  
Silence.  
  
"Whee," said Duo. "Doctor of Death is toxic, too." After a moment, "He's a double threat. Man, I'm starting to really _envy_ this guy." 


	9. The Mysteries...REVEALED

High School from HELL  
  
Daniel Ocean  
  
Warning: All respe©t warnings are in effect.  
  
Heero and Relena just looked at their stalker for a few seconds, silent. Both were stunned. "It just couldn't be," murmured Relena. "It just could not be possible."  
  
"Amazing," said Heero. "Simply amazing."  
  
"Well, okay, this was really fun for a while." He scratched his nose again. "Well, it was a good thing that the school was empty, I guess. Made it a lot more believable that there was a stalker out on the loose out after you."  
  
"Wow, Traize," said Relena. "You must have fallen far from your days at OZ."  
  
"Yeah, I have," responded the former OZ head. "Ah well. Having fun in my retirement. Especially this time around. Hee hee." Another massive thunderclap, and everyone jumped. Once Traize got himself vertical again, he said, "A good day for this sort of thing, too."  
  
The moans and screams from the other part of the school could be heard. "I guess that's more of your fun, isn't it, Traize?" asked Heero.  
  
"Uh, no, it isn't. It's someone else that's going after whoever-they- are."  
  
"I bet it's the others, making their way back up to us."  
  
"But whatever are they screaming at?" asked Relena, who was instantly answered by the distant screamers. Everyone craned their ears.  
  
"I think that they are saying there's a fire over there," decided Traize. Everyone listened for a little bit longer, and then there was a long fwoosh sound of an opening fire extinguisher. "Well, at least it's all taken care of now, as far as we know."  
  
"Probably Duo juggling his flaming clubs again," said Heero. "It's so _wholly_ inappropriate in here, so he must have done _exactly_ that."  
  
"Yeah, probably." Relena nodded. "We all better make sure that they're all okay, though. Remember the time he almost burned down the Peacecraft mansion? And don't forget the potato incident.*"  
  
"We better run on over," aid Heero.  
  
The foam fumes rose off of Duo's formerly smoking sneaker and hung over the room like a London fog. Wufei was not in the least bit pleased. "Thanks a lot for that nice little magical trick, Trowa. Almost made the whole school disappear-with us in it-in a big puff of smoke."  
  
"It's out," he replied simply.  
  
"Okay now," said Duo, well shrouded, "what am I going to wear on my foot on my way out of here? I just can't hop down all those stairs and I'm wearing a good pair of socks."  
  
The was silence. "Kind of weird to hear something like that there, Maxwell."  
  
"Well its _true_. I need to borrow someone else's sneaker, if possible."  
  
"Oh, no. We all have nice socks as well. Just wear.no. Just walk on out of here barefoot. It's all nice and pleasant out there now anyway." Dorothy was groping along the walls, trying to find the door out. "I think I've found the doorknob." She grabbed what she had and pushed far too hard, making her spill out the door out to the hallway, right in front of Relena, Heero and Traize.  
  
"Oh, hi." She spat it out to the first two. She then looked up and saw the former OZ soldier. "Why hello there, Traize. Interesting to find you here. And to find you here with these two."  
  
"Yeah, well, I'm in retirement. I'm doing the dumb crap they don't allow in the military and such."  
  
"I see. You were the one that was kinda killing people, almost?"  
  
"Yeah. Just found a Relena doll and I dressed it up really well. Left rest of it all to the imagination."  
  
"And the disappearing everyone?"  
  
"I'm worth billions, I can bribe people."  
  
"So why didn't you bribe the principal to get rib of all of the things that got us in his office in the first place?  
  
"Didn't think of it."  
  
"Gee, thanks. And I guess that all of this toxic goo is yours too."  
  
"What toxic goo?"  
  
"All the toxic goo Hilde and Braid Boy found."  
  
"I didn't _have_ any toxic goo on me. I mean, toxic goo is.toxic, you know?"  
  
"So who put it there?"  
  
"Where?"  
  
"Wherever they found it."  
  
"Thanks for being specific. I don't know who put the mystery goo in the mystery place mysteriously. I don't know, maybe there really is a serial killer that is out there and going after the nine of us."  
  
A squishing sound started down the hall. "Did you here that?" Heero's eyes darted around nervously. "I don't think that I like that."  
  
"Oh, _now_ you are here to be the scared one and not go around blowing everyone's explodable stuff up."  
  
"Dorothy-"  
  
"We had to hide all of our explodable stuff for the longest time to keep it away from you."  
  
"Dorothy, I saw something dart around a corner back there." He pointed down the hall.  
  
She turned around. "I don't see anything back here." She turned back around. "You can be a major weirdass sometimes."  
  
"It's back!"  
  
Dorothy sighed and turned full around. The thing went back around the corner, but just not fast enough. "Uh.okay.there maybe kind of sort of be a snowball-in-hell chance that there is something around the corner. No problem, I'm going to see what it is." Dorothy went back into the smoke and came back out with the now half-empty fire extinguisher. "I'm going to spray it if it jumps out at me."  
  
"Good luck." The trio outside watched as Dorothy made it swiftly down the hall to the corner. She paused, and then jumped around, out of view.  
  
"Great Jesus!" she cried.  
  
Smoke poured into view, and some gurgling sounds and more of Dorothy's screaming could be clearly heard. The fire extinguisher switched off for a second, then the gurgling returned and more smoke poured out into view.  
  
Dorothy staggered back around the corner. "Look over here," she said. "Come and take a look at this." She staggered around some more then sat down hard next to the wall.  
  
Everyone had left the computer lab by then, and followed Dorothy's suggestion, turning the corner to face what she had battled.  
  
"It's.a blob," said Hilde finally.  
  
"Did you get this from a movie warehouse, Traize?" asked Relena  
  
"I didn't get _shit_," he replied.  
  
"Ahhhh it's moving again!" Duo saw a twitch and picked up the dropped fire extinguisher, emptying it and stopping the monster.  
  
There was a pause.  
  
Relena sighed. "I guess that the author couldn't afford a monster with arms or legs or anything like that. A blob? That is so seventies."  
  
* Read more on this in "One Potato, Two Potato."  
  
Author's notes: Well, Chapter Nine is finally up. Sorry for the long wait. I've been doing two things with my time: being on vacation, and seeing what effect two hours of baseball has on the body. I've been pitching so much my left leg is getting compressed down at the knee. Once I get some ice on it, I'll start Chapter Ten. Finally, there will be death that will make this worthy of horror. Yay!  
  
Please review, it makes me look good. 


	10. The Monster Is Not Photogenic

High School From HELL  
  
Daniel Ocean  
  
You ought to know the warning now.  
  
Relena sighed. "You know, you guys, I don't know if this is going to work. I mean, I don't think we should bring this.this thing to an audience. I mean, someone could get slimed by the thing. And even if that doesn't happen-I mean, what's making it go onto the show, huh?"  
  
"Everything will be okay," said Dorothy. "Grandfather made all of the arrangements. We have a restraining order on the monster, so we can get it to go exactly where we want it to go. If we say we want it on the show, there ain't nothing it can do to get out of it."  
  
Everyone paused. "How did your grandfather get that kind of arrangements, anyway?" asked Duo. "I mean, how do you get a restraining order placed on a oozy gooey monster thing that came straight from a 70's horror movie and the author's own sick twisted imagination?"  
  
Dorothy glared at Duo. "Just shut up and trust the system, okay, Maxwell?"  
  
"Okay, okay. I will. But how do you get to get a-"  
  
"I wouldn't ask," warned Hilde.  
  
"Okay." Duo stayed quiet, and then said, "You know, Dorothy, I said I didn't like your eyebrows, but it is a big improvement over the bald- forehead look."  
  
"Maxwell."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"PREPARE TO DIE!"  
  
"Thirty seconds to show time."  
  
"Fine. Is everyone back there all ready?" The talk show host took her place at the front of the stage, directly in front of the main camera.  
  
"Everyone is ready and prepared to go on. Fifteen seconds."  
  
"All right."  
  
The crowd shifted nervously for the last few seconds. For the first time on television, an intelligent life form other than a human would be shown on television, and on a mid-afternoon talk show, of all things.  
  
All the release forms had been filled out, the monster produced, and the victims tracked down-or rather, the victims tracked the show down. None of the so-called "big" shows would take the monster.  
  
This here was live!  
  
"And five, four, three, two, one, on the air."  
  
"Today, on Azimel's Hour," explained the host, "you, the audience, get the first look at the smartest thing around. Its genius, its evil, and its victims-all here on one stage. First, we here on the show would like to bring out a few of the first victims from the monster's first showing, at a high school. Relena, Dorothy, and Duo, please come on out here."  
  
A little bit of music played as the three came out from backstage and sat in large, overstuffed seats, in the center stage. Azimel walked back to Dorothy. "You are Dorothy, am I right? Good. Now tell us what exactly happened, that afternoon, that ended in your finding of the monster."  
  
Dorothy described getting into trouble, everyone leaving, finding out that most of it was an elaborate prank from Traize, and then when the monster was found, by her.  
  
"I just sprayed the hell out of it with the fire extinguisher. And after I was done with that, I sprayed it AGAIN to make sure it was done with."  
  
"So is that how it still is, to this day?"  
  
"As far as I know." It was a deliberate lie. The audience cheered. The host signaled to backstage.  
  
"Well, that's what you all think. But guess who-or rather, what-is backstage for the show this afternoon." The monster, in its six-foot tall, green and gooey glory slid out from backstage and let out a sort of low- pitched booming roar. The audience reacted immediately, and the monster appeared hurt.  
  
Azimel slid over. "So, you were stalking these three-amongst others- in that high school that fateful afternoon?"  
  
It appeared to nod. "So, why did you do choose to do this?"  
  
It shrugged. "Didn't know what exactly to do, huh? Well, let's go to our audience and hear some reactions. Any volun-wow, I guess so. You there, What's your name?"  
  
"I'm Natalie, and I think it's shameful that this monster would do something to hurt someone else-they didn't do nothing to him! Saying it didn't know what to do is a weak excuse."  
  
More cheers, and one more member of the audience was interviewed. "I'm Horace, and this is a question for Dorothy-how did you know that the monster was going to attack you? Maybe it was following you around in the way that you were trying to figure out what it was."  
  
"Hey," said Dorothy. "I ******' tried to defend myself from a.thing, and I don't see how you would react any other way."  
  
The microphone was passed. "I'm Mike. Horace-I bet if you found that thing in your back yard, I'll bet you would have gone inside to get your golf clubs to beat the s**t out of it."  
  
"Oh yeah?"  
  
"Yeah!"  
  
All hell broke loose. The monster got up into the audience to attack Mike and Natalie. Dorothy, Relena and Duo all jumped after it. Chairs were thrown and Azimel was in the middle, trying to referee the fight from the middle. For the next minute, the cameras were rolling as a massive brawl ensued, with the monster sliming as many people as it could.  
  
Azimel stopped being the ref and turned to the camera. "Don't touch that dial, we will be right back on "Azimel's Hour."  
  
The cameras never turned back on at the set.  
  
"Well." Relena was pulled out by producers in time. "Not even Azimel could solve our problem."  
  
"Yeah," said Duo. "And now she's dead."  
  
Traize was rubbing his head at this news. "I guess we have underestimated our monster. There is only one thing to do now."  
  
"Traize, don't do anything that could get you killed." Dorothy looked at the former Specials leader. "Oh.no. Don't. Remember what happened when you tried this against Wufei?"  
  
"I must, Dorothy. I have to sharpen my sword and refill my fire extinguisher. I must go against this monster.before it picks off more talk show hosts."  
  
Author's Notes: Sorry it's been so long since the last chapter, here. ( I expected to finish this up about two weeks ago, but I went on vacation and then I started a different story, called "The New Betrayal." It is taking top priority here at Daniel Otono Inc., so check that out and maybe you shouldn't expect the next-but last-chapter for a week or longer.  
  
Have a nice summer, and please review. 


	11. *Insert Thrilling Conclusion Here*

High School From HELL  
  
Daniel Ocean  
  
Eleven chapters in, I'm sure you know the warning.  
  
  
  
Traize suited up for his newest battle. He had almost lost his life against Wufei during the war, but he was able to return miraculously back to life, thanks to magical author powers. But if he lost this one, he might not be so lucky this time.  
  
He sat on a bench, facing the wall, staring out in space. He snapped his fingers. "Suit now, please."  
  
Quatre walked up to him, carrying a metallic-looking haz-mat suit, plus one helmet straight from the space program. "You know, Traize, you don't have to do this all. I mean, the fire extinguishers seem to work really well on it, and maybe we can just keep the thing frozen and not anger it..."  
  
"Nonsense. I bugged you kids when it came. It must be after me and I refuse to let it terrorize the future."  
  
"Uh, how do you know how it was going after you?"  
  
There was a longish pause.  
  
"Just give me the suit," said Traize. Quatre left it on the bench next to him in the dressing room and he got in it, still staring at the wall the way he was before.  
  
As he was slipping his helmet on his head, Dorothy strolled on in. "Hey, Traize, I..." She walked over and stood next to him, staring at whatever he was looking at. "Anything interesting there, huh? Am I being left out of anything?"  
  
"Haven't you ever seen a hero about to go off on his most important mission?"  
  
"Are you trying to make up for the fact there's no camera to stare at anymore?"  
  
Traize started staring at her. "You have anything else to say?"  
  
"I can't remember it anymore, thanks to you."  
  
"Get out of here."  
  
  
  
The team moved on out of town, passed the suburbs, beyond all of the villages and hamlets all of the way to the boonies. A pair of unmarked whit vans went onto a country road and pulled into an empty lot. Actually, it was an empty lot, surrounded by empty lots, also surrounded by empty lots. The boonies had earned their name.  
  
Out of one van Traize strode out, all suited up. Right behind him was Duo, with a stool and a bucket. "Okay, champ," he was saying, "you got to get out there to get an early first hand. Yeah, that's it. Get that monster good and get it hard. Then get it down for the count and he can shoot it off to space, yeah."  
  
In the next van was the monster, caged. When it pulled up, Wufei got out of the driver' seat and opened up the back, for the monster to ooze into the ring. The Gundam returned inside, got a baseball bat and tried to poke on out. "C'mon, you stupid onna monster, go meet your maker." The bat kind of penetrated into the side of the monster, and it replied by roaring and throwing himself at Wufei. Pilot 05 jumped back, then into the driver's seat and hit the accelerator on the idling car. It flew forward and the monster tumbled out the back.  
  
Traize approached. The monster sensed him and whipped out of his way. Traize already had out the extinguishers and was not afraid to use them.  
  
The teens all had their faces pressed to the window, watching the fight eagerly. Until Wufei used his van to cut off their view.  
  
"Wufei?"  
  
"Yes, Relena?"  
  
"MOVE IT!"  
  
Wufei already had the key out of the ignition, so he needed a minute to clear the way. "Dammit, Wufei!" Dorothy could hear the sounds of a battle. She HAD to see it. She flew open the back door of the van and climbed onto the roof. Go, Traize-uh-oh."  
  
He and the monster had grappled into a wrestling match, and the monster was projectile-sliming all over the place. One green clod nailed Dorothy in the stomach with enough force to knock her off the roof.  
  
The crew got out. She held herself where she had been wounded, turned to the crowd, and whispered, "Tell Traize to get that monster, for me."  
  
You could cut the drama with a knife. A rusty, dull butter knife.  
  
"Dorothy!" Traize had seen all that had gone down, and pushed the monster harder. He got out one of the extinguishers and fired off a great shot of foam from close range. The monster, at this time, had grown more and more immune to the power of the extinguisher, though., and it attacked fiercely with slime.  
  
Behind the van, the allies and their wounded comrade were exposed to attack. After standing and almost getting his head lopped off by one shot of slime, Quatre dove for the woods. "Panic! Panic! Run for cover, everyone!"  
  
Everyone went after him. Dorothy laid there, thinking fuzzily from landing on her head, and could only get one coherent thought out, with all of the action around her.  
  
"I need new friends."  
  
Her eyes fluttered close.  
  
  
  
"Huh?" Dorothy sat up. "What's with...with..." She still hadn't completely recovered.  
  
All of them were gathered about her hospital bed, Traize especially worse for wear. "You know the end to all of these stories," said Trowa softly. "They have to end in a cliché, you know?" He paused. "O course, you did get a concussion, so we thought it would be a good idea to bring you over here as soon as the battle was over."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"We had to burn all of our clothes and both of the vans."  
  
"Yeah...who won?"  
  
"Cliché story, Dorothy. Cliché."  
  
"Oh. Way to go, Traize." She really had been affected by the fall. She rubbed the bump in the back of her head. "So. How did you do it?"  
  
"It kind of dissolved under some chemical that Heero stuffed into one of the extinguishers."  
  
"Oh." There was another long pause. "What are we going to do now?"  
  
"Well," said Traize, "the monster probably has dripped into the ground water by now."  
  
"We better move," said Hilde.  
  
"Right. We better get you checked on out here, Dorothy. Before people start keeling over. Might as well go back to L2."  
  
"Yes, that's perfect." Duo got up and began to strut around. "We're going to L2-ooh toniiight..."  
  
  
  
That's it, folks! Thank you for reading. And thank you for reviewing in such a volume that you did (the first time around I had four, now I got 28). Review it one last time, and please check out "The New Betrayal" and other stories of mine. Thank you, my fans! 


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